second trimester fun

30 Mar

It’s been a rough couple of days. But, let me start by saying that Frijole is doing fine.

On Friday, I noticed I was urinating really frequently. It was way more frequently than in my first trimester so I thought that seemed strange. But, I didn’t think too much of it because, hey, I’m pregnant, so I figured it was normal.

On Saturday, the frequent urinating continued and I was also starting to get really crampy. I wasn’t spotting or bleeding so I didn’t think it was baby related. I thought it was related to the fact that I had been very constipated and hadn’t had a normal bowel movement in several days.

Sunday, I was really nauseous and vomiting most of the day. I started to get concerned about my bowels and decided I needed to start a stool softener. So, I took the maximum dose and hoped it would work sooner rather than later.

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Sunday evening, the cramping turned into sharp stabbing pains in my lower left side, almost into my groin. Then, the pain moved into my back. I decided to try a warm bath and see if that would help the pain and maybe get things moving. The pain eased up almost right away.

In the middle of the night, I woke up with the sharp pains again but after tossing and turning for awhile, I was able to get them to stop and go back to sleep.

Monday, I felt pretty much the same. Crampy, urinating frequently, and hoping to move my bowels!

That night, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Woohoo!! It still wasn’t completely normal, but was the first time I had gone to the bathroom in about a week so I was happy.

Tuesday (yesterday) I woke up feeling pretty great. I started working on some much needed housework and was on track to get quite a bit done! Then, at 2:00, things got really bad.

The sharp pains started again. I got in the bath right away hoping that would help again. It didn’t. The pain kept getting worse and worse. I eventually started vomiting from the pain.

I realized this had to be something more than constipation and decided to call my Dr. I was scheduled to see him the next day and had been hoping I could hold off until then, but I was nervous that something was wrong with the baby and decided I better be smart and call.

It took an hour for the receptionist to call me back. That whole hour, I was completely miserable. I kept puking, and rolling around in the bed in misery. I felt like I had a fever and when I checked it was 99.2°, so just real low grade. I was racking my brain trying to figure out what this could be. I called my mom to ask her what gallbladder pain felt like. She said it is usually up higher, under the rib cage. She really encouraged me to go to the ER since the Dr office wasn’t calling me back. I really hate going to the ER, but I knew I had to be seen by someone.

So, I threw some clothes on and started driving. While I was in the vehicle, my Dr office called me back and said to come there right away. Phew.

While I was driving, it finally hit me. I was passing a kidney stone.

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I have passed stones before, but it has been almost 10 years, so I guess I didn’t remember how the pain felt.

The pain started to ease up and was bearable at this point. I had to wait awhile to see the Dr since they were squeezing me in, but I was really grateful that he was seeing me.

This was the first time I was actually even meeting him. My first appointment had been with the Nurse Practitioner. He was recommended to me by a couple of friends and so I was really hoping he would be great.

Well, he was. You know how most Doctors don’t like you to tell them what you think is wrong with you? Well I took a chance and told him I was pretty sure I was passing a kidney stone. He asked why I thought that and when I told him my symptoms he said, “Thanks for diagnosing yourself. You’ve made my job a lot easier.”

Now, he can’t tell 100% if that is what it is because I can’t have an x-ray done but he said it didn’t sound like anything pregnancy related. He said the only other thing it could be is my c-section scar stretching, but he said that from what I was describing, the pain was much worse than what that would be.

He did an exam and it really hurt near my bladder so he was thinking the stone had moved there and would hopefully pass soon.

He got the doppler out to listen to Frijole’s heart beat. At first, he could only find mine and I started to panic a little bit. But, then he found it and I was so relieved. It was 160 bpm.

So, he sent me home with instructions to really push fluids and take Tylenol to keep the fever down. He wants to see me in three weeks.

Last night, I was mostly really sore and exhausted, but nothing like earlier in the day. I slept great and am not in any pain right now. So, I either passed it already or it is just not moving right now. I am definitely hoping I passed it AND that I don’t get any more.

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the little things

16 Mar

Today, even though I have been extremely nauseous and I had to go the dentist (my least favorite place in the whole world) I am thankful!

Today is my last Progesterone injection!! Woohoo!! I am so ready to be done with the shots! But, mostly, thankful that my pregnancy is going well enough that I can quit the shots and baby is fine!

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Also, Arturo and I have a lot to celebrate. This weekend marks 2 years of us living in Colorado, 1 year in our new house, AND it is our 5 year wedding anniversary! Praise God for all our many blessings!

think positive

15 Mar

I haven’t posted for a while.  I haven’t had much of an update on the pregnancy, so I wasn’t sure what to say.  Over the past few days though, I realized I have a lot to say.  So, here goes!

February 2nd was my due date with the Baby I lost over the summer.  It’s very strange to be pregnant when I had originally thought I would have a newborn baby to be taking care of.  I’m not all that sure how I feel about it.  Obviously, I am sad, but I also feel a little like I am betraying Baby by being pregnant again.  I know that sounds crazy, but I can’t help feel that way.

I am also still waiting for something to go wrong with this pregnancy.  It’s this overwhelming feeling that I can’t completely shake no matter how much I pray or tell myself not to worry.  When it comes to pregnancy, all I know is loss.  It’s hard to believe there could possibly be another outcome.  But, I am trying so hard. I fully believe that God wants good things for me. I also believe that He will take care of me no matter what. I know He wants to give me the desires of my heart. But, the problem is that none of those things guarantee me a fully healthy baby. And, that is what scares me.

I find it really ironic that God chose women to be the sex that carries babies. I mean, He created us to be highly emotional, well at least much more emotional than men. And, in my case, I am about 10 times more emotional than Arturo. And, also, I worry 10 times more. I mean, if Arturo was carrying this baby, he wouldn’t worry at all. But, me, I worry and analyze every single little thing.

I was having some pretty horrible nightmares last week, miscarriage nightmares. And, then I began questioning myself, doubting myself. I was asking myself, why am I even doing this? I probably won’t even be a good mother. Why would I go to all this trouble when I most likely have no clue what I am doing as far as raising a baby? I quickly realized that the enemy is just messing with me and I CANNOT allow him to destroy my peace. I wrote out some positive self-talk in my journal and it has really been helping me.

I will be a wonderful mother. I will be better not because of genetics, or money, or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and longed and waited for this child. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him. I will no longer be crying tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child. I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I have known pain. Yet, I have prevailed. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and meet them in their pain. I cannot make it better, but I can make it less lonely. I will not be a perfect mother. I will make mistakes. But, I will be a wonderful mother.

I had an ultrasound today. I was pretty nervous about it. I have received some pretty horrible news at ultrasounds in past pregnancies, so I guess I will always have a little anxiety before my ultrasounds. But, today I was really nervous because they were going to be checking if Frijole had any indicators of Down’s Syndrome or other diseases. They do this by measuring the fluid on the back of the baby’s neck. I really don’t want to know. It won’t change anything for me. I will not love Frijole any differently and we would not end the pregnancy, so for me, there is no reason to have any of that kind of testing done. Although, I didn’t want to skip the ultrasound because any chance to see Frijole makes me happy!

So, the tech tried for 30 minutes and she could never get Frijole to move into the correct position to measure the fluid! I was overjoyed! But, she did get all the other important measurements. Frijole’s heart was beating 170 bpm. And, Frijole was measuring at 12 weeks, so right on target!

But, the most beautiful thing I saw on the ultrasound was that Frijole had two legs and two feet that were kicking all around and were separate from each other! Those who have been reading my blog since Angel was born will understand why this is so important to me. Angel was born with sirenomelia, or mermaid’s syndrome. His legs were connected and he only had 9 toes. Because of this, his genitalia never formed and we didn’t know he was a boy until the autopsy was complete. So, to see those two beautiful legs kicking around made me so happy, I was crying! (There’s that highly emotional side to me again!)

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I am in the last week of my first trimester and hoping to start feeling human again soon! I have mastered my morning sickness, well, sort of. I have figured out that as long as I only eat saltines and drink 7Up before 3:00 pm, I can manage not to vomit. Sometimes, I get crazy and drink a Cherry 7Up. Hey, what can I say? I like to live on the wild side.

I will have an anatomy scan at about 20 weeks. Until then, I will just keep praying and believing that Frijole is happy and healthy. Every night before bed, I pray that this child will outlive me. That is my greatest desire.

graduation day

18 Feb

This morning we had our LAST appointment with our RE!! I can’t believe it!

Baby is measuring right on target at 8 weeks and has a heart rate of 176 bpm. The bleed is still there, but Baby Frijole is well protected and they don’t think it will be a problem. So, I am just going to continue resting and drinking lots of water, and believe that is true!!

New this week is all day nausea and puking. Yesterday I didn’t keep anything down all day. It is making it hard to stay hydrated.

I only have a few more weeks of shots and then I will be done with those too! Woohoo!

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I really am rejoicing at how well this is going and I feel so blessed!!

My first appointment with my ob is on March 1st. So, I am just gonna rest up until then!

frijole

9 Feb

I am 7 weeks today and we heard Baby Frijole’s heartbeat!! 132 bpm!! I am overjoyed!

I was calling the baby “Bean” and Arturo decided to use the Spanish word “Frijole” instead so that is Baby’s nickname, Baby Frijole!

The bleed looks somewhat better and I attribute that to all the resting I have done since my last appointment.

I talked to the nurse about my job and she said it sounds like too much stress. Also, she said I can’t do stairs, and our building is 3 stories. My office is on the first floor, the break room is the second floor, and my boss’ office is on the third floor. So, after some discussion, Arturo and I decided it is best if I quit my job. It will put a strain on us financially, but it will be worth it takes  have a healthy baby and for me to not be so stressed out. He came with me to talk to my boss and already I feel 10 times more relaxed.

I don’t know why we can’t just have a normal, easy pregnancy, but I guess that is just not in the cards for us and I just need to be grateful for the health of this baby and do what the Dr’s order!

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beating heart

4 Feb

In my last pregnancy, we never saw or heard our baby’s heart beat. At our second ultrasound is when they first diagnosed there was a problem with the pregnancy. So, I have been slightly anxious about going for my second ultrasound. I would best describe my mindset as “cautiously optimistic.” Sometimes it feels like I am just waiting for the bottom to fall out.

Well, we went for our ultrasound today and right away, the nurse saw the baby’s heart beating. So… That was AWESOME!! We couldn’t hear it yet, but probably by next week.

Then, she asked if I have been spotting at all because there was a little blood in my urine. And also, she pointed out a bleed in my uterus. I haven’t been spotting, but I am honestly pretty freaked out by this bleed. She said it is common in IVF and that at this point it is not a concern because Baby is far away from the bleed and is well protected. She said I need to rest, drink more water, and eat less carbs. All three of those things are difficult for me and will take a lot of self control. So I am at home resting for a few days. And I am trying to double my water intake. I have already been drinking so much I feel like I am going to float away. So, more is tough. But, less carbs is so hard for me. I am a carb addict. I am going to do my absolute best, though!!

We go for another ultrasound on Tuesday and I am hoping that things will look better by then!

2nd beta and 1st ultrasound

26 Jan

My 2nd beta on Monday was 1646!  That is more than triple since Friday!  I thought for sure that number was an indication that I was carrying twins.  I was so super excited all day Monday!

I am still in disbelief about this whole thing, and if I wasn’t puking and exhausted, I might not believe I am pregnant at all.  I keep telling myself that this is actually happening, but my heart is still cautious.

I found this due date calculator online that tells you your due date after a Frozen Embryo Transfer, with 5 day blastocysts.  The calculator says that my due date is September 27th.  Now, I know due dates don’t mean very much, but September 27th is Angel’s birthday and seeing that date as my due date really blew me away.

This morning, we had our first ultrasound.  And, well, it was bittersweet.  Two became one.  I am so happy that there is a baby in there, though I can’t help feel sad that we lost one.  The nurse said that sometimes by next week the second one will show up, but she said that they usually see HCG numbers over 1000 at the first draw if it is twins.  So, while she said my numbers are very good, they are not twin numbers.  She said I am 5 weeks 2 days and that my due date is September 25th.

I have another ultrasound next Thursday, February 4th and will continue to see my RE until 8 weeks pregnant.  I only have one more week of Estradiol injections, but seven more weeks of the dreaded PIO.  I am starting to get a little sore, but it is bearable and will be worth it!!

I’ll update again after our next ultrasound.

just “p”

22 Jan

 

So, in my last post, I mentioned that I was pupo (pregnant until proven otherwise).  Well, today, I would like to modify that.  I am pupo.

You catch that?  I am PREGNANT!

Blood work this morning confirmed that I am pregnant with an hcg level of 543!  That is a great number!  I am overjoyed!

I will have more blood work on Monday to check my level again.  If they are still following the same protocol as my last transfer, once my level reaches 1000 or more, they will schedule my first ultrasound.  I am so anxious to find out how many babies are in there!!

People have been asking how I am feeling.  Well, I feel like CRAP, but it is for the best reason ever!!!  I am so extremely tired.  I went to bed as soon as I got home from work last night.  Arturo thought I was upset about something, I never get in bed at 5:30 pm.  I made myself get up and do my shots and then I went to sleep.  I slept for 12 hours!  Crazy!  I have been really nauseous and have been puking off and on.  I am very emotional, heightened sense of smell (which doesn’t help with the nausea), etc. etc.  So, yeah, all good signs of pregnancy.

I am feeling like it is going to be twins, but we will have to wait and see!

Thanks again to everyone who has been supporting us through prayer and encouragement.  I am so blessed by so many!

pupo

10 Jan

In case you didn’t know… PUPO means pregnant until proven otherwise.

Transfer is done! It went great and I am believing that I am pregnant!

Arturo had to work and so my mom came. It was great to have her with me. She was so emotional and grateful to be there.

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For the rest of today and the next couple days, I am resting and taking it easy and then back to work.

I have a pregnancy test in a couple weeks. It went fast last time and I am praying that this will too!

I felt so supported today by so many people reaching out to me through Facebook and text with prayers and scriptures and encouragement. I am truly blessed! Thank you all!

This is a devotional that a friend shared with me this morning and it really spoke to me!

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it’s happenning!

7 Jan

This week, on Tuesday the 5th, I had another appointment for labs and ultrasound.  Everything was great so I was given the go ahead to start the dreaded Progesterone shots.  Ugh.  I really hate them.  It is not the shot itself that is so bad, but the fact that I get so sore from them.  Two shots in, I am still Ok.  But, a few weeks down the road, I will really be super sore from them.

This morning, Arturo and I went in for a consult with our RE.  We wanted to get his official opinion on whether we should transfer one or two embryos.  I was expecting him to give us a list of pros and cons for both options and then we would have to decide which was best for us.  We have been leaning towards transferring two, but we wanted to make sure it was the best decision medically and not just an emotional decision.

Emotionally, miscarriage was so hard and I can’t help but think how hard another one will be.  If we transfer one, I have a miscarriage, and then I still have one more embryo to transfer, I would have an even harder time being mentally prepared to do another transfer and be pregnant again.

Luckily, as soon as we asked him, he said without hesitation, “Oh two.  Transfer two definitely.”

So, that is the plan.

He said that as long as we are Ok with twins, then there is no reason not to transfer two.  He said that option gives us our best chance at a healthy baby.

He also said I need to change my mindset to not be expecting a miscarriage and that I need to be thinking positively about this transfer.  And, the reason to transfer two is not so that I can only have one more miscarriage, but because it gives us the best chance at a healthy baby.  He is right.  I know that.  I have to change my attitude.

There is a group of people from our church that are organizing prayer and fasting for us.  I feel so incredibly touched by this and it is making me feel so supported to know how many people are praying and fasting for our transfer.  It is definitely helping me to be more calm. We have been so blessed with an amazing support system of family and friends from all over the country, well the world actually.

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Now that we have made the decision about how many babies to transfer, I am really realizing that this is happening.  It is real.  I will be pregnant in just a few days!! I am still very nervous, but I am excited too!

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