Archive | April, 2014

march for babies 2014

25 Apr

In 2013, we became involved with the March of Dimes and it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.  Our company team raised over $10,000 and I earned the “Top Walker” award for the region we walked in, which means I earned more money than any othe walker.

If we had not moved, Arturo and I had been asked to be the ambassadors for this year’s walk in Aberdeen, SD, which meant we would have spoken at the event.  However, we did move, and because of the move, I have not been as focused on giving and fundraising this year as I was last year.

We are still participating this year.  We are walking tomorrow here in Colorado and are fundraising as well.  If you would like to partner with us in our fundraising, you can do so at http://www.marchforbabies.org/angelbragg.  We will be continuing to raise funds through 2014, so if you aren’t able to give now, but would like to do so later, that works too.

Thanks to everyone who supported this cause with us in 2013 and thanks in advance to those who will give this year as well.

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silence

23 Apr

I haven’t written since Angel’s birthday.  Sometimes, it feels like there is so much to say.  Sometimes, it feels like there is nothing to say.  But, ultimately, the reason I haven’t written is because the one thing I want to be able to write about…isn’t happenning.  I have planned it out in my mind so many times, the post I would write, but it doesn’t happen…so instead, I leave you with silence.

I want to be able to write and tell you that I am pregnant, that we are having another baby.  And, more than that, I want to write and tell you that we have had our anatomy ultrasound, and we are carrying a healthy baby that will live survive and thrive in this world.  But, no baby, so silence.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God intends for me to mother more children, and to raise them on this earth, I just don’t know how or when or what that is going to look like.  It is easy to think that He has forgotten me.  I have to remind myself CONSTANTLY that my timing is not His timing and that He has not forgotten me.  I bargain with Him and try to tell Him that it would be so much easier for me to be patient if He would reveal His plan to me…His exact plan.  If He could just speak to me directly and say, “Amanda, you will get pregant in four months.”  Or if He would say, “You will never carry another baby.  My plan for you is to adopt and this is how I will provide the funds.”  But, He doesn’t, because He wants me to trust Him.  It is sooo hard.

As we have just celebrated Easter, I realize that I am in a constant struggle to not be a Doubting Thomas.  I do not need to see and feel the wounds in His hands and side to believe that He is alive.  I do not need to see how my life will look from beginning to end to know that He will be in it with me every single day.  He will not forsake me.  He will never stop loving me.  He wants good things for me.  He wants to give me the desires of my heart.

Our life has changed a lot since September and I really feel that being Angel’s mother is what has allowed me to be willing to make these changes, to step out in faith.  Arturo and I sold our house, quit our jobs, and moved to Colorado.  We had no idea how this would play out or how it would look.  We just both realized that we weren’t happy in South Dakota any more and that it was kind of crazy to stay there just because we were secure or comfortable.  Being Angel’s mother has caused me to want to live life to the fullest and to not live in fear of the unknown.  We have been here a little over a month and God has given us sign after sign that we have made the right decision starting with the sale of our home.

I wasn’t sure what it would be like to come to a place that no one knows me.  No one knows what I have been through.  I wasn’t sure if I would share about Angel or keep it to myself and only talk about him with people I felt I could trust.  Upon moving here, we immediately found a church and I have immersed myself in it.  My first time at a women’s Bible study, I was asked the dreaded question.  “Do you have any children?”  After only being there for five minutes, I somehow knew I could trust these women and tell them about Angel.  You see, sometimes I worry that if I tell people about him, they will wonder what I did to cause this.  I know that is still my own insecurity, but I can’t shake it.  It feels great to have found these women that I can trust with my life, with Angel’s life.

So, even though there is still no new baby, I decided it was time to break the silence.  After all, I have a wonderful life to live.

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